Thankful.

Do you ever get that feeling? Ya know the one where you just want to step out of reality and push the pause button? Maybe even rewind a little. But then you're forced to realize that it's not possible. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Reality will always be reality and time will never stop. I'm feeling that today.

I just want to push pause. Take a minute to soak everything in. So much has changed these last few months. I can't say I like it. I can't say it wasn't for the better. I can't really say anything. I'm speechless. I guess I just haven't had a chance to process it all.

Sometimes life gets in the way. So much is happening all at once that everything becomes a blur. We look over the small things and push away the bad. We focus on the small picture and forget about the big. And eventually we become overwhelmed.
That's where I'm at. 

I've pushed everything away for so long that I'm overwhelmed. My newest reality isn't exactly how I pictured it. It's actually far from it. Like millions and millions of miles from it. I never thought I'd be one of those kids. But I am. And it's going to be okay. It may not be the picture I was painting in my mind but it's the picture God's had painted all along.

It's easy to get caught up in life and forget to just be thankful. When I started this post that's exactly where I was. So caught up in my own sob story that I wasn't even thankful. I was mad; sad. I even had the annoying "why me" outlook on everything. My heart just hurt.
I realized I was that person. The one with a chip on my shoulder. The one with a short fuse. The one who wanted to just skip out of town. That's were I was. And I was missing out.

Missing out on precious time that I will never get back. I'll only live in the same house as my siblings for so long. Hearing Sweet Boy say "Dashie" at the top of his lungs will be a thing of the past. We're getting older everyday. Just thinking about that makes me sad. A happy sad but sad. The point is life goes on. Whether we want it to or not. Life.Goes.On.

So stop and think. Are you thankful? Are you truly soaking in every moment?

I miss you: High School Addition

High School. 

The dreaded transition.

Leaving the top of one totem pole to start over at the bottom of another. 

The times when boys lose their cooties and girls become pretty.

When getting your license becomes your top priority. 

When finding the perfect dress for prom seemed impossible.

And then, in the blink of an eye, you're standing on the top of that totem pole.

You're a senior. 

The years that seemed to drag on for a lifetime feel like yesterday. 

But the year ahead feels like it will last forever. 

But just as the years before, summer fades to fall and the time begins to fly. 

And before you even have a chance to really soak it all in you're walking across the stage. 

Fact is: I miss high school. 

I know that it's ridiculous. But it's the truth.

I miss having to get up way too early to go sit in a classroom full of kids that I've known for years. I miss walking the halls with the people who knew me. I miss trying to hide my cell phone in Mr. Bos' class. I miss trying to discretely chew gum around Mrs. Davis. I miss whining to Reynolds. I miss having girl talk with Mrs. Sweet. I miss telling Mr. Smith that he was awesome. I miss making my famous sopapilla cheesecake for the best staff in the world. 

I miss telling Doug to shut up. 

I miss being able to see my best friend everyday. 

I miss having college with these guys. 

I miss telling Dylan to wake up and answer the professors questions.

I miss arguing with Scott about who was more awesome. (I mean clearly I was and still am) I miss sneaking into the band room to listen to Michael, Micah, and Brandon play music. 

I miss Taylor being my lunch buddy. My constant friend I know will always be there.

I miss stressing out over Beta with Cameron. 

(I seriously think he was the only one that kept me sane and it was all totally worth it in the end) 

I miss Joanie always singing way too loud. And A.Muss for liking Chil.li's. 

I miss Amber always being my math buddy. 

I miss Paige just because she was Paige and could always make me smile. 

I miss you even if I didn't mention your name specifically. I miss being the annoying one that always wanted to take way too many pictures at every.single.event. I miss it all.

These people, my classmates, were more than just some random kids. They were like an extended family. An extended family that was never really extended until a couple years ago. 

I miss you guys.

{Just an example of how I'm more awesome. I mean look at that}

Sending you all my love and best wishes. 

***

Dear Seniors of the future,

I know you've waited for this year forever. To finally be that class at the top of the totem pole. I know. I know people have been pounding it in your head that it will go by fast and blah blah blah. And I know you don't believe it. But trust me. It really does go by in the blink of an eye. More like in half a blink. I've been there. 9 months is a lifetime when you're little. But the older you get the quicker time flies. 9 months is now going to feel like 9 seconds rather than 9 years. I promise. Embrace it. Live up your senior year. You won't get it again. Ever. (Unless you fail. And if you fail, well, then I suggest you write a blog post about being a senior for the second time around and let me know how that goes for ya.)

Good luck.

In memory of Cody McMorris.

MacDaddy I bet you're getting a kick up there watching me be Jeff Gordan! But you know what? Just hush it! 

You will always be in our hearts. 

RIP.